


A Hunter's Humanity

by UAs_Fics



Category: South Park
Genre: M/M, One-Shot, Vampire AU, mild gore and blood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-09
Updated: 2019-06-09
Packaged: 2020-04-23 06:15:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19145221
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UAs_Fics/pseuds/UAs_Fics
Summary: Tweek is keeping a big secret from his vampiric boyfriend: his history as a vampire hunter. But how long will Tweek be able to keep his charade up when a murderous vampire shows up in the city?Inspired by niamarmosha’s vampire AU





	A Hunter's Humanity

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by  niamarmosha’s vampire AU because dang does she make some good AUs.

Craig used to pretend to sleep until Tweek called him out on it.

"You're a vampire. You don't need to sleep." Tweak had rolled his eye at him.

Craig fixed him with a perplexed expression as if Tweek had just told him something outrageous like cows could fly.

"You don't want me to? Really? I've never met a human who doesn't at least want me to pretend to be human for him." 

Tweak then wrinkled his nose. "You’re not human. Don’t pretend. I don’t like liars.”

So when Tweek rolled over in the bed and opened his eyes, he wasn’t surprised to see Craig awake, reading a half-folded newspaper with one hand while the other arm rested under Tweek’s shoulders.

“Sleep well?” He asked, moving his gaze over. 

He held Tweek’s eyes with his own. The familiar pressure of someone trying to push into his brain pressed against the front of his skull for just a moment before Tweek nodded, sending it away.

“I did,” He replied, sitting up to stretch out. He didn’t scold Craig for trying to hypnotize him this morning, though he wanted to. How could he explain a farm boy from the sticks knowing what it felt like to have a vampire try to sway your thoughts? He couldn’t, so he had to let it slide.

“What time is it?” Tweek threw back the covers. He planted his feet on the cool wood floor with a slight shiver. It was cold enough sleeping next to Craig, the fact that he rarely bothered to keep the fire going once it went out didn’t help keep Tweek warm when he stayed over.

“Don’t know. Noon-ish?” Craig muttered with clear disappointment in his voice. Tweek wondered, not for the first time if keeping him at the Moonlight was what Craig was attempting to him into doing. 

“It better not be,” Tweek muttered, walking across the room to peak out the window. To his relief, it was only midmorning. The humans that lived and worked in the vampire heavy area were still getting started with their days.

Tweek nodded contently. He had plenty of time before he needed to head to Chef’s. Pulling the curtain back just enough for a small puddle of light to form on the floor, Tweek rolled his shoulders in his sockets. As was his ritual, Tweek spent the next few minutes warming up while Craig groaned and pulled the blanket over his head, muttering he was dating a cat.

Once he felt charged up enough, Tweek wandered over to Craig’s mirror. 

All across his left shoulder and down his chest were a series of fresh hickies. Tweek clasped his hand over a few of them, glaring at the vampire under the blankets.

He’d asked him not to leave marks before. Everyone at Chef’s already thought Tweek had a boyfriend that he was keeping secret. This would just add fuel to that particular trash fire. Though that rumor was technically true, he would rather not have anyone there know who his boyfriend was. 

Human and vampire relationships weren’t unheard of, but they had a certain social stigma that Tweek did not want to deal with from the humans he worked with. The vampires didn’t seem to care if one of their own was involved with a short-lived human. The reverse was not true. Humans always thought the vampire was just using the human. They were so simple minded that they couldn’t wrap their heads around the concept.

At least, the hickies weren’t any place he couldn’t hide and none of them broke the skin, either. Craig kept that promise. Though, Tweek was sure that was more because the laws of the city forbid vampire’s to drink human blood without their consent than on Tweek’s request.

As he twisted around to check if they went down his back (they did), Craig poked his head out of the blanket. He rested his cheek in his palm.

“Like them?” He asked coyly. “You should leave some on me next.”

Tweek took a brush and began to pull it through his mane. He didn’t know if it was his brush or Craig’s, and he didn’t care. The vanity was shared at this point.

“I try, but you heal too damn fast.” Tweek fished around the vanity for the small box of pins he brought to keep his growing bangs out from his face. Holding a few pins in his mouth, he started to pull back the pesky strand of hair that fell down the middle of his face. 

Once he had it pulled back away, Tweek turned over his shoulder with a smirk. “I guess that just means I need to try a little harder next time.”

“Feel free. I’d love to have a love bite on my ass from you.” With a wickedly impish grin, he pointed a finger at Tweek’s posterior.

Flushing, Tweek bent around to check if Craig was teasing him or not. Of course, he wasn’t. Right there, in the dead center of his left buttcheek, a hickey marred his skin. 

“I’ll get you back for this,” Tweek replied, snatching up his pants from the floor.

Craig laughed in the way he did where it sounded more like a chuckle with one final ‘ha’ after a last suck of breath. It was a sound that Tweek found frankly adorable. 

It was almost unbelievable where Tweek was now. If someone had told him not a year ago he would be standing completely naked and vulnerable around a vampire like this, he would have accused that person of being mind controlled. 

_“Vampires are monsters! They kill people and tear them apart! I could never love one — if they can even feel love at all,”_ He would have said.

How times have changed.

Tweek finished buttoning up his trousers when Craig finally, begrudgingly, got out of bed. He had just slipped on his shirt and went to button it when Craig grabbed his hand. He kissed his knuckle before reaching out to button Tweek’s shirt for him.

“You know, you don’t have to go,” Craig muttered. “I can pay for your room at Chef’s. You won’t need to work."

He started at him intently through his eyelashes. Tweek couldn’t help but once again wonder if Craig were human, what color would his eyes be? Brown, maybe. It was such a common color. Green, though, was just eye-catching enough to match Craig’s features without offsetting them too much. Or maybe a nice middle ground like hazel? 

“You know, I won’t have to go if you talked Jimmy into letting me stay here.” Tweek set his hands over the top of Craig’s and squeezed. 

Craig sighed and finished the final button, but didn’t lower their hands. 

“You know Jimmy’s rules. No humans unless they’re accompanied by a vampire at all times,” Craig intoned for what seemed like the millionth time.

“Unless he thinks that human can take care of himself,” Tweek added in. “I can handle any vampire that tries to mess with me.”

Craig gave him a look that reminded Tweek a little too much of the one a person would give a puppy when it started to bark at a flour sack or oddly shaped tree: amused by its foolish, pointless, and adorable bravery.

Though the feeling was patronizing, Tweek held his tongue. He didn’t actually _want_ to move in, for the most part. He just assumed this is what he should do after being together this long.

If he moved in and his family found him, it would be difficult to leave, both physically and emotionally. Sneaking out past Jimmy and everyone else with all his things would be a pain and leaving Craig...

Tweek pushed that thought away before it made him sick with worry.

Craig wasn’t supposed to be important to him. The only reason Tweek reciprocated Craig’s flirting, in the beginning, was in spite towards his parents. If they knew his first kiss, and several other firsts, were with a vampire, they might disown him.

Tweek ended up in something a little deeper than a spite-fueled fling, instead, sinking into a full-on relationship with this vampire that he both loved and hated. He loved Craig. He could admit that at this point. He hated the guilt that gnawed at his stomach for lying.

There was no conceivable way Craig was invested enough in their relationship to overlook the fact Tweek was raised to be a vampire killing machine, who had a long bloodline of vampire killing machines behind him. If he found out, he would definitely be mad, maybe even mad enough to run Tweek out of town himself or just go out of his way to make Tweek’s life miserable or even kill him right out. 

Whatever happened, if it happened, Tweek had promised himself he would accept any fate Craig would give him.

Craig pressed a kiss to Tweek’s cheek. “Sure you could, honey. Jimmy just doesn’t want to take a risk.”

“Just Jimmy, huh?” Tweek muttered, turning back towards the vanity again to make certain that none of the hickies could be seen. “It’s not because you tend to make enemies by being a complete jackass?”

Craig wrapped an arm around his shoulder. His face stared back from the cheap mirror. Like all the mirrors in the Moonlight Tavern, this one wasn’t back with silver, but some other common, reflective metal.

“You should have seen me in my jackass heyday.” Craig rested a cheek on Tweek’s hair, disrupting the carefully placed pins. “Pissed off vampires left and right. You caught me in one of the better stages of my life. Aren't you _sooooo_ lucky?”

“Not as lucky as you for meeting me,” Tweek teased, curling his fingers around Craig’s wrist. He lifted it and kissed it, peeking up to meet Craig’s eyes in the reflection. His face painted with a blush and he had to look away. Tweek’s lips twitched up into a smile.

As long as Craig never found out, Tweek didn’t mind living like this.

* * *

The tavern was its normal buzz of daytime activity as the vampires of the town waited for nightfall. Craig, now dressed in his normal attire and cloak, had an arm slung over Tweek’s shoulders as they left his room.

Jimmy looked up from the book he was writing into with wave.

“‘M-morning, lovebirds.” He cracked a smile. “I’d ask if you slept well, buuuuut...we all know you didn’t sleep.”

“Tweek slept just fine,” Craig commented in a deadpan, taking a seat across the table. Tweek slipped beside him. He couldn’t stay for too long, but Jimmy was his friend, so a few moments of conversation couldn’t hurt.

“So did you t-t- _tucker_ him out, Craig?” Jimmy’s grin threatened to split his face.

Craig buried his face in his hand with a groan and Tweek nearly did the same. When it came to Jimmy, very few jokes were off the table for him.

“Fuck off, Valmer,” Craig grumbled. Tweek set a hand on Craig’s free one and laced their fingers together. He didn’t like those jokes this early either, but he didn’t want to see Craig get into an argument right before he had to head to work.

Luckily, Jimmy ignored him. To Tweek he asked, “Are you heading back to Chef’s soon?”

Tweek nodded. “I have to do my work for my room.” He glanced at Craig to see if he was fixing Jimmy with the usual look of that meant that Jimmy better not give Tweek any ideas. 

He was.

“Coming back afterwards?” Jimmy sent a smirk at Craig. “I know Craig doesn’t like to be lonely.”

“Once again, fuck you.” Craig flipped Jimmy off with his free hand.

“Well, could you do me a favor?” Jimmy leaned down to the side of the table. He pulled up a bag and set it on the tabletop. “Could you r-re-return these to Chef for me? There some of his pots, and I promised to get them back to him within the w-week.”

Tweek jumped from his seat. “Oh, shit, my bag.” Dropping Craig’s hand, he started towards Craig’s room. “Sure, I’ll bring them back, just give me a second.”

Tweek hurried into Craig’s room and looked around, his heart tightening, as he scanned for his bag. He hated the bag leaving his side, let alone leaving his bag here. It was too risky!

Finally, he spotted it kicked half under the bed. He stooped down and fished it out before unbuckling it to open. 

Everything from his wallet to the small roll of bandages he kept for emergencies was still safely inside. Looking over his shoulder to make sure he was truly alone, Tweek stuck his hand in and felt the lining of his bag with his fingertips until they brushed the main reason he couldn’t leave it: A blessed knife.

The knife was the only item Tweek kept from his parents. It had been a much-asked-for birthday gift. Tweek was young when he asked for it and so terrified of vampires that he wanted something to defend himself that he could carry with him everywhere. Hand-to-hand melee had never been Tweek’s preferred method of hunting. Bows, guns, and other ranged weapons had always been his forte, but one stab from this would give Tweek all the time he needed to run away.

If he ever planned on using it again, which, he didn’t. The knife had seen use only one terrible time, and that was how it would stay.

This knife was not for protection anymore. It was a reminder of his mistakes now.

For a moment, _that face_ flashed in his mind, red eyes wide and terrified and mouth twisted in pain. 

Tweek shuddered as he buckled back up his bag.

Even within a vampire tavern, he was a sinner amongst saints.

* * *

“Here you are, Chef,” Tweek held out the bag Jimmy gave him. “From Jimmy.”

Chef took the bag and opened it. After checking inside, he nodded. “He even washed them. Such a good kid.” 

Tweek was certain that Jimmy was far older than Chef, but he nodded back anyway. 

“What do you need me to do?” Tweek asked instead. 

Chef shut the bag before reaching up to stroke his beard. Tweek hoped it was something he could do by himself. Tweek didn’t trust people. They were worse than vampires, most of them. Liars, cheats, backstabbers. Vampires could claim that came by those naturally. Humans didn’t have such an excuse. 

“Honestly, Tweek,” Chef shrugged, “you’ve only been here maybe two nights this whole week and you only stay long enough to sleep for a few hours. It’s not like you have much to work off.”

“You’re still holding the room for me.” Tweek frowned, fiddling with the hem of his shirt. “Even if I’m not here, I’m still costing you.”

“I know. I know.” Chef raised his hands. “I’m just saying that maybe you should try to talk Jimmy into letting you stay at Moonlight with your boyfriend, or seeing if Craig can pay for you if it bothers you so much. Money’s money, no matter who pays.”

“I don’t—” Tweek was cut off by a wave of Chef’s hand.

“Jimmy likes to talk,” Chef explained. 

As Tweek cursed Jimmy’s name, Chef went on, “Don’t you worry, Tweek. I’m not judging. I understand that _vitality_ and _vigor_ that vampires possess.” He got a dreamy, glazed expression across his face. “They can go all night and day and—”

“Chef, what do you want me to do?” Tweek cut in before Chef could go on.

He blinked a few times. “Well, you can help me clean the recently emptied rooms and later peel some potatoes. I’m making Salisbury steak with scalloped potatoes tonight.” He made a shooing motion with his hands before turning away, muttering to himself about a certain _voluptuous_ vampire vixen he’d met once.

“Salsbury steak and scalloped potatoes...?” Tweek muttered. “Hmm, I might stick around for dinner before heading back tonight.”

* * *

Craig leaned against the long bar, bored out of his mind. The sun shone high in the sky, leaving him and all the other tavern vampires trapped indoors. If only his hypnosis on Tweek had worked and he could have kept him here all day. At least then he’d have someone interesting to talk to.

Jimmy was too busy filling out the tavern’s ledgers to hold anything more than a three-second conversation. Token was off in another city, Clyde was out at sea, and every other vampire there held no interest to him.

Propping his chin in his palm, he groaned. He never understood why Tweek seemed to be immune to his hypnosis. Of all the vampires he knew, Craig was considered one of the best at charming humans into doing what he wanted. 

But Tweek? Tweek’s mind was impossible to charm. Craig could never grab hold of a thought to twist and corrupt the others floating in Tweek’s head to his will. Even when trying to hypnotize Tweek into doing things he knew Tweek would want to do, it didn’t work.

The closest he got to controlling Tweek was planting a suggestion in his mind, that they should go for a walk near the pier, and having Tweek bring it up a week later out of the blue in the middle of a completely different conversation.

Though maybe he should be thankful he couldn’t bend Tweek to his beck and call. It made this relationship with a human one of the more interesting he’d had. 

The door opened, instantly causing the vampires closest to it to recoil. Craig didn’t know why at first. Jimmy had a small awning built to keep the sun from coming in. Then the wind brought a scent to his nose and he cringed for a moment.

Half-vampire or not, the underlying scent that clung to all vampire hunters always came first. 

Once everyone saw who it was, however, they relaxed. Kenny wasn’t one of the city vampire hunters who came into Moonlight to cause trouble. He probably wanted to try to and flirt his way back to one of the tavern’s bedrooms.

Kenny scanned the room before making a beeline to Jimmy and Craig’s table. He slapped his hand down. 

Jimmy looked up for a moment.

“Yes?” 

“I need a room,” Kenny stated, rubbing his eyes. “I don’t care if you stick me in the backroom with a pillow. I need to sleep.”

“Just go home,” Craig suggested bluntly. “You can stick to the shadows and be fine.”

“I would if I could,” Kenny snapped. Grumbling to himself, he reached into his coat to retrieve a sheet of paper, which he slipped over to Jimmy.

“I know you hate vampire police in your tavern, but if this vampire comes in, you have to call us. We--and by we, I mean ninety-fucking-percent _I_ \-- have been tracking him for the past two and a half days.”

Now that Craig took a good look at him, Kenny did seem tired and worn out. The bags under his eyes were dark and his mouth was set in a permanent frown. How Kenny hadn’t fallen over from exhaustion, Craig wasn’t sure.

Jimmy took the paper and read it over. The crease between his brows grew deeper the more he read.

“This is quite the w-wanted poster.” Jimmy frowned. “That’s a lot of deaths this vampire’s brought lately.”

Craig raised an eyebrow. “That bad?”

“Fourteen in four days,” Kenny told him, “and these weren’t accidents while feeding. This guy was killing for killing’s sake. A whole family name was wiped out on Wednesday.” A pause, then he added, “well, there was one left, but Kyle told me he doesn’t think she’ll make it.”

Craig winced. He’d done some bad shit in his time, he would admit to that, but nothing this bad and heartless. 

“He’s hiding out somewhere in the city until nightfall, but we haven’t found out where.” Kenny yawned. “Cartman said I’m useless during the day anyway, so he sent me off. They’ll probably find him before too long, though.”

Jimmy folded the paper in half and used it as a bookmark as he shut his ledger book.

“I wouldn’t let someone like t-that in here,” Jimmy promised, leaning down to grab his crutches. “There’s a room up-u-upstairs you can use. I’ll show you.”

Kenny nodded gratefully. “Don’t let me sleep for more than, like, three or four hours. Cartman will get all pissy if he thinks I’m ‘slacking off.’” Kenny rolled his eyes as he followed behind Jimmy. 

As Jimmy made a lewd joke at Cartman’s expense, Craig pulled Jimmy’s book towards him before spinning it around to open it. After unfolding the wanted poster, Craig carefully examined it.

The vampire murderer looked generic and boring as hell. Everything about him screamed that he should be a forgettable clerk at a general store, not a family slaughterer.

“Wanted for the of murders of the MacLoren family, Suzy Monathue, and Hakura Tsuzki as well as the crimes of arson, vandalism, assault, and theft. If seen, do not engage. Call upon your local police **immediately**.” The paper read.

None of the names particularly stuck out to Craig, so at least the vampire hadn’t hurt anyone he knew personally.

Placing the paperback to where it was, Craig frowned. While he hated to admit it, the local vampire hunters were good at their job of apprehending vampires that stepped out of line. They still had a good four hours before the sun even began to set. In that time, Craig was certain they would find this generic slaughter.

But even so, he hoped Tweek would come back to Moonlight before dark.

* * *

Tweek finished the last of his Salisbury steak and picked up his plate. Through the window, the sunset painted the sky a pleasant pastel rainbow. The night would be there soon, so if Tweek didn’t want to walk in the dark for too long, he would have to leave.

As he set his plate near the other dirty dishes, the door to the tavern opened. Tweek jumped as two of the local vampire hunters came in.

“Hey, Chef,” Kyle and Cartman greeted in unison, though their voices were tense.

“Hello, children,” the older man greeted cheerfully. Cartman rolled his eyes at being called a child while Kyle smiled fondly, some of the stress melting from his face.

Chef asked what he could help the two with as Tweek made a beeline for the back door, his bag over his shoulder. He didn’t like vampire hunters, even those that weren’t related to him. That half-vampire hunter, Kenny, was about the only one he could stand. The rest made his flesh crawl. One realization from them who he was and his parents would have him back in their grasp in no time flat.

When Tweek checked over his shoulder, he saw Kyle draw out a paper to show Chef. Not caring about whatever the paper was, Tweek ducked out and left the inn.

* * *

The sun could not set fast enough. Craig tapped his shoe with impatience. Tweek still hadn’t made it back yet, so Craig decided the second the sun started to slip behind the horizon, he would head out and escort Tweek here himself.

The door burst open and for the second time that day, a vampire hunter came into the vampire tavern.

Stan looked around wildly before spotting Jimmy. He darted over then set his hands on Jimmy’s shoulder.

“Where’s Kenny? We need him now.” Stan bounced on his toes, looking over his shoulder out the door as the shadows crept longer and longer.

“Is this about that slaughterer?” Jimmy asked, mouth set.

Stan nodded, reaching back to touch the ax on his back out of reflex. “Yeah, we found him. Kyle shot him in the leg. He got away. Now there is a hurt, sadistic vampire running around. Go get Kenny.”

Jimmy didn’t even have time to stand up before Craig was too his feet and making a beeline for the door.

* * *

The streets were unusually quiet as Tweek cut through across the road on his way to Moonlight. The night was the vampires’ time. Normally, they would be all over, talking, opening their shops, prowling for humans to drink, but tonight the streets were empty. Even the human houses had their shutters closed. Halfway there and he had only seen one person the whole way, some man with a forgettable face sitting on a bench across the street. 

Tweek shuddered, picking up his pace. Tonight was not a good night to doddle and enjoy the stars.

As Tweek turned into an alleyway, he came to the startling realization he was being followed. His heart picked up its pace as he debated if he should run or try to walk calmly. There were only a few streets between him and Moonlight now. 

If his stalker realized that Tweek was heading to a vampire tavern, surely, he would leave him be. The only reason humans went to Moonlight was to be with vampires, and usually a particular vampire. A human wouldn’t want to mess with any vampires, and if his stalker was a vampire, they wouldn’t want to risk pissing off another of their kind by trying to hurt either the other vampire’s meal or lover.

At the end of this alleyway, the sign for Moonlight was just a few feet to the left. If Tweek went out of his way to tap it and loudly mention that was his destination, then his stalker would have to take the hint.

Keeping his pace steady, Tweek still reached down and fiddled with his bag’s buckle anyway. He was not going to use it, but touching his knife made him feel a little safer.

Tweek looked down at his bag for just a second then heard the rush of footsteps. He spun around in time to see a perfectly generic face lunging at him, mouth wide and fangs sharp. 

Running on his trained instinct, he knew he didn’t have time to dodge, so Tweek twisted, turning his upper arm toward the vampire’s mouth. He clamped on the flesh of his arm. His slimy tongue lapped greedily at the blood that drained out. 

Struggling, Tweek forced the vampire back a few steps. With every footfall, the vampire bit down harder and harder, squeezing Tweek’s arm to force more blood out.

Letting out a cry of rage, Tweek grabbed the vampire by the bangs. He bashed the monster’s head back against the brick of the wall over and over. Grit and mortar from the bricks fell to the ground, covered with thick blood.

“Let go! Let go! Let go!” Tweek demanded, his brain slipping back into his days with his family. “Let go of me, you waste of life! You foul, cursed thing!”

With one final smash, Tweek tore his arm free from the vampire’s mouth. He stumbled forward to his knees as the vampire slumped down against the brick wall.

That was when Tweek noticed the blood seeping down the vampire’s leg. 

So that was it. This was a wounded vampire. Wounded vampires were no better than any other wounded animal. In fact, they were actually worse. If they could steal blood and life from something else, they could heal. A wounded vampire would break any rule or taboo to survive.

 _Wretched, unholy creatures! Disgusting demons!_ Tweek thought darkly before he gasped. 

“No, no--I’m not that Tweek anymore.” His hands shook as he tried to stand. “Humans are just as bad when they're hurt and scared. Humans are even worse than vampires. Humans are even worse than vampires.” Repeating that sentence, he focused on his mantra as he took a few stumbling steps. 

His arm pulsed with pain, and blood oozed down towards his fingers, where it fell in heavy drops. The splattering sound the drops made echoed in Tweek’s ears. Somehow they were louder than his racing pulse.

His heart wanted him to go to Moonlight, where Craig was. He wanted to be held and have his hair stroked and the loose pins taken out until he felt better. His head, in part, wanted that too, but it knew better than to show up at a vampire tavern, bleeding, right before peak feeding time started.

He wavered a moment, swaying, as his heart and head fought over his safety and his wants. When his safety began to win out, a figure appeared at the end of the alleyway. Tweek froze, his body suddenly tense, and readied himself for another fight.

“Tweek! Tweek, there you are!” Craig’s voice filled with relief until he took a breath to sigh. His form stiffened before he darted forward to Tweek’s side.

“You’re bleeding! Fuck, Tweek, what happened?!” He gently took Tweek’s arm in his hands. His skin was cold and for once, Tweek was thankful for that. He started to lean into Craig, giving in to his wants but stopped. Craig had on his favorite jacket. He wouldn’t want to get blood all over it.

“I was, ahh!” Tweek flinched as Craig’s thumb brushed the bite. “I was attacked. By him." Tweek gestured towards his stalker. "But, I’m ok. I’m ok. I’m ok.” He tried to sound sure of himself but knew he just sounded frantic. “I’m alright. It just hurts like a bastard.”

Craig looked doubtful. He put an arm around Tweek's back and began to lead him away, keeping an eye on the generic vampire attacker for a few steps until Tweek stumbled. He put his hand on Tweek’s front, keeping his full attention on him.

"Do you need me to—" he was cut off when the vampire grabbed the back of his jacket and yanked him off his feet. Tweek feel to his hands and knees without the support. His stomach churned and his dinner threatened to make a reappearance on the cobblestones.

Craig slid against the ground, dazed. But before he could get up, the vampire was on top of him, pinning his hands above his head. 

Craig struggled to free himself, but the vampire held firm as he lowered himself down towards Craig's neck. Silvia dripped from its fangs to Craig’s skin. Memories of the lectures Tweek’s parents had given him shouted in his ears.

 _“If a wounded vampire ever pins another person, they are good as dead, unless you save them. Their life in your responsibility,”_ His father had told Tweek, completely unprovoked at the dinner table.

 _“Oh, yes, they’ll rip a man’s throat out before you can blink if you don’t move fast.”_ His mother agreed. _“So remember, if you don’t want the blood of someone you love on your hands, always be ready to do what you have to.”_

Craig’s lips raised, showing his own fangs. He snarled "Let me go, you murderous fuck!" to the vampire. The vampire didn’t respond more than an animalistic grunt. He didn’t understand words anymore.

Blood rushed through Tweek’s veins, filled with adrenaline. Craig let out a scream of pain as the vampire sank his fangs into his neck, and Tweek’s mind went blank.

* * *

Craig had been bitten by other vampires before. It was weird and uncomfortable at best and painful at worst.

This experience definitely fell on the worst side.

The slaughterer didn't look remotely human anymore. What attacked Craig now was a wild animal, running on the basic urge to feed and live. 

He had a hallowed bullet in his leg and something had happened to the back of his head, judging by the blood seeping down from his hairline. Craig didn't even think a Supreme Vampire could handle that without reverting to a feral state.

However, that did not earn this generic slaughterer any points from Craig. Actually, it pissed him off more. He was not some random street rat human. He was a well respected and feared vampire! Like hell was he going to be some forgettable asshole’s life-saving blood bag.

Craig tried to swing his knee up and hit the slaughterer in the groin, usually a cheap but effective attack, but the slaughter didn't even flinch. 

"Don't you even feel pain anymore?" Craig screamed. "Get off!"

The slaughterer didn't respond more than taking an extra hard suck on Craig's neck. Craig let out a cry, but once he closed his mouth, the sound of a cry kept going.

"Get off of him!" Tweek ran towards them at full speed. "He's mine! Don't touch my Craig!" Tweek growled, reminding Craig of an angry wolf, before throwing his foot back and kicking the slaughterer in the side so hard he dislodged from Craig's neck.

Before Craig could form a coherent thought, Tweek had his knees on either side of the slaughterer and something shiny, too shiny, in his hands. He raised them before plunging into the slaughterer's chest.

The slaughterer gasped and began to sputter. Air and blood and saliva frothed in his mouth into a pale red foam. He clawed at his chest then at Tweek's hands, covering his skin with scratches. 

Tweek twisted whatever he stabbed the slaughterer with once to the left then to the right before the slaughterer finally froze with a single jerk. 

The slaughter’s eyes cleared as his humanity crept back to him in his last moments of life. They were filled with horror and tears. He made a few final gargling words before all life left him.

Tweek scrambled off the slaughterer, only to fall back. He backed up with his heart beating so fast, Craig couldn't count the individual beats if he tried. 

"Tweek, how did you do that?" Craig asked in disbelief. Before Tweek could answer, the slaughterer’s corpse began to turn to dust. Within a minute, there was nothing left but brown bones, tattered, blood-stained clothes and a solitary knife sticking out of the chest.

Tweek inched farther away until he bumped against Craig’s legs. One of his hands grabbed for Craig. His shaking grasp on Craig’s knee hurt, but Craig found himself too preoccupied with the slaughterer’s corpse to care.

“It that,” Craig’s eyes widen, "a blessed knife? Where did you get a blessed knife?!" Craig turned to Tweek for answers but instead found Tweek curled into himself. His head was between his knees and his free hand grabbing at his hair.

"No. No. No. Not again. Not again. I didn't want to do this. Not again," Tweek whimpered between shuddering gasps. "They're gonna find me. They won't disown me. They'll kill me. They'll find me. I'm gonna die."

Craig frowned. Before he could speak, the sound of footsteps echoed off the walls to his ears. 

"They'll find me. They'll find me. I'm going to die. Tortured. I didn't want this..." Tweek started rocking.

Making a snap decision, Craig pulled his sleeve over his hand. Carefully, he opened Tweek's bag then picked up the blessed knife. Even though the fabric of his shirt, it started to burn his skin. He dropped it quickly into Tweek's bag before closing it.

Tweek didn't notice any of it.

"Tweek? Honey?" Craig let his hands hover over Tweek's shoulders. "I'm going to hold you, alright?"

Tweek didn't answer. 

As Kenny and Stan skidded into the alleyway, Craig pulled Tweek to his chest. He stroked the back of his head for a moment before picking him up and standing. Tweek pressed against the crook of his neck, luckily not on the side of the tender bite. Craig quickly flipped his collar up to hide it before the hunters could see.

"What happened? We heard screaming?" Stan darted over. He looked from Tweek to Craig to the dry bones on the ground.

"That ass made the mistake of fucking with my boyfriend," Craig growled, “so I got rid of him. You’re welcome."

He started past him as Stan crouch to examine the bones.

Kenny's hand shot out and grabbed Craig's arm. 

"What really happened here?" He hissed, eyes narrowed.

"I ripped his heart out. He was wounded. It wasn't like it was hard." Craig tightened his grip on Tweek. 

"Bullshit." Kenny squeezed once then dropped his hand. "If that's what happened, you wouldn't be shaking."

He blinked. Craig _was_ shaking. When did he start shaking? 

Readjusting Tweek, he turned his full attention forward. 

"I killed him. That's what you tell everyone. What I tell you might be different if you come by later," Craig muttered as he walked out of the alley.

Kenny kept an eye on him until Stan called him over. Heaving a sigh, he headed towards his companion.

* * *

What Craig liked most about Tweek over every other human he'd been with was Tweek never expected him to act human. In fact, he actively scolded Craig for trying.

In his other relationships with humans, he did what he had to so he always had an easy meal or fuck on hand.

If his human boyfriend thought it was creepy that Craig would watch him sleep, Craig would shut his eyes, lower his breathing, and pretend he wasn't awake. If his boyfriend raised concern because Craig hadn't eaten, Craig would force down a dish that tasted like salted paper. 

Tweek never cared though. When Craig tried to fake sleep, Tweek rolled his eyes at the effort. When Craig tried to take some of Tweek's lunch, Tweek slapped his hand away. He never expected Craig to use euphemisms when he needed to drink blood or tell his friends to only tell stories that happened recently so it wasn't glaringly obvious Tweek was the youngest person in the room.

There wasn't any pesky asterisk to their relationship. 

Or there wasn't any until Craig saw Tweek kill a vampire in one swing with a blessed blade he just so happen to have in his bag.

Even the city’s hunters needed to know exactly where to plunge the knife to get anything close to those results on a sedated vampire.

As Craig had predicted on the walk back to Moonlight, he wasn't getting any answers out of Tweek until the next day. With some help from Jimmy and a snarled “What?” at the other vampires when he walked in, he was able to bandage up Tweek's upper arm with no trouble.

Whatever Tweek did the slaughterer before Craig got there, he somehow ripped out one of his lower fangs as it was stuck in his arm. Both Craig and Jimmy were impressed. After that the two were able to get Tweek to eat a few bites of a questionable looking egg dish Jimmy whipped together and a glass of brandy.

"Believe me, it'll help him sleep," Jimmy claimed at the time.

Craig wasn't sure if it was the stress of the attack or the brandy, but when Craig returned with clean shirts for them both, Tweek was curled up and asleep.

Now, he, Jimmy, and Kenny sat at a table in the back room as Craig finished explaining what happened in the alley with the slaughterer.

Craig’s head still spun with all the unanswered questions he had. He needed to know how Tweek was able to do what he did and where he got the knife, and why he couldn’t think about how Tweek called him _his_ like that without getting uncomfortably hot around the collar.

Craig held his forehead in his hand as he stared down at the table top.

This wasn’t supposed to happen. He wasn’t supposed to get this involved with a human like this. Tweek was supposed to be a fling. He wasn’t supposed to be sucked in this deep as to care like this.

He only flirted with him because Clyde told him it would be funny to watch the confused, podunk, farm boy get flustered. Which, it was, at first: Tweek stumbled over his words, wrung his hands together in his shirt, and couldn’t look Craig in the face, but then Tweek fell quiet for a moment, and Craig wondered if he overloaded the poor guy. Before Craig could ask if Tweek was alright, Tweek flashed him a nervous smile and made a terrible attempt to flirt back.

Craig laughed at the failure but decided that if Tweek ever came back to Moonlight, he would start to pursue him. Luckily for Craig, Tweek showed back up a few days later to thank Jimmy for taking him to Chef’s.

According to Tweek’s claims, his moment of silence was to decide that any fears he had over Craig being a vampire where out weight by how attractive he thought Craig was.

Craig wondered how much of that was true now.

Kenny used his gloved fingers to pick up the blessed knife from the contents of Tweek’s dumped bag. He turned it over to look at the carved crest in the handle, rubbing his thumb over it. 

“Well, huh,” Kenny hummed, “I know this crest.” He turned it towards the vampires across the table. Jimmy winced, shielding his eyes. Whichever member of the clergy blessed that blade, they were very high up and holy. The blade shone so brightly when directly look at, it almost hurt.

“And whose is it? And why was it in m--m-my tavern?” Jimmy frowned, barely keeping the anger out of his voice. He had been most unsettled by the fact that Tweek continually brought a weapon like that into Moonlight, a vampire safe space. 

“It’s the crest of a very old, and very strong, vampire hunting family.” Kenny took his ungloved hand and touched the blade. A sizzling came from his finger the moment his skin made contact. “Like, this family is only called when the problem is really, _really_ bad. I’m talking Supreme Vampire is trying to committing genocide in the countryside bad.”

“Tweek said he was from the countryside. Maybe he picked...it...up?” Even Craig knew how foolish that sounded. He grasped at any straws if it meant Tweek wasn't in the wrong. This had to be a mistake. He _wanted_ it to be a mistake.

Kenny dropped the knife then began to examine his already healing finger. “Maybe, but given the family’s name, I don’t think it's that simple.” He fixed his gaze with Craig. “The family is named ‘Tweak.’ T-W-E- _A_ -K.”

Craig swallowed hard. “He could have been named after them? Maybe they saved his family’s life and that’s how he got the knife?”

Jimmy set a hand on Craig’s shoulder with a frown. “Tweek never told me his last name. Did he tell you?”

Craig didn’t answer. He’d asked once, and Tweek had said he didn’t like his last name, then remarked that he wouldn’t mind changing it altogether.

“’Tucker’ _has a nice ring to it, don’t you think? ‘Tweek Tucker.’”_ Tweek had then rested his head on his shoulder with a cheeky grin. _“What do you think of that for my name one day?”_

Clyde had made a gagging sound and told the two to get a room before he puked on the bar before Craig could reply to Tweek.

He had never bothered to dig deeper into Tweek’s last name after that.

Jimmy sighed. “So w-w-what you’re telling me is I’ve let a man who could have easily killed me or any of my customers sleep under my roof?”

“Tweek wouldn’t do that,” Craig snapped a little too harshly. He took a breath and looked away. “We don’t know,” He replied quietly. 

Kenny shrugged. “Maybe.” He tapped his lips and looked to the corner of the room as he mused, “You know, though, I heard a rumor about two years ago about the Tweak family. Seems they had a son who was a prodigy that went missing a little after his first solo mission.”

Craig stomach twisted. ‘Prodigy’. Could Tweek really be a vampire killing prodigy? Was that even possible? The man who got nervous in large crowds and complained that humans were terrible and untrustworthy spent his childhood learning to slay vampires? No, that wasn’t possible.

And Craig told them so.

“Craig...” Jimmy shook his head. 

“Don’t ‘Craig’ me!” He slapped his hand on the tabletop. “Tweek isn’t a killer. He is _not_.” 

Kenny reached across the table to grab his wrist. Pity overflowed from Kenny’s expression. Gritting his teeth, Craig tore himself from his grasp. He took his jacket from the rack by the door. The blood hadn’t stained the black fabric terrible, not that he currently cared.

“Where are you going?” Kenny asked.

“I have two or three hours before sunrise. I’m hungry and aching, so I’m heading to the brothel down the road,” Craig grumbled, opening the door. “If Tweek wakes up before I get back, don’t try to pressure him into talking.”

He slammed the door, muttering to himself how there better be a man he could pay for so he wouldn't have to force women’s blood down his throat.

* * *

All that was left that late in the night were women.

* * *

Someone was petting his hair so soothingly, Tweek nearly fell back asleep. He opened his eyes slowly to see Craig sitting on his knees off the mattress with his chin on his arm. He kept stroking his hair even when Tweek met his eyes.

Tweek smiled lazily at him. “Mornin’, Craig.”

“Morning, Tweek,” Craig replied. There was a distinct tiredness behind his voice. 

Tweek moved his arm to cup Craig’s cheek when pain flared from his upper arm. He bit back a yelp, holding his arm.

“Urk! Fuck!” Tweek hissed. “What do you do to me last night?”

“You don’t remember?” Craig deadpanned. “Either way, I didn’t do it. That other vampire in the alley did. Do you remember him? The slaughterer?”

Tweek froze. He stared at Craig with wide eyes before he launched forward to pull his shirt away from his neck. He searched his skin for any puncture wounds. There were no wounds, thankfully, so Tweek held Craig’s face in his hands.

“That vampire, he tried to eat you! Are you ok? Are you hurt? Is he gone?” Tweek demanded to know, ignoring the pain from his arm and the scratches across his hands and wrists.

Craig blinked up at him. “What? You don’t remember? After the slaughterer pinned me?”

Tweek furrowed his brows then shook his head. “I think I passed out. What happened?”

Craig set his hand over the top of one of his as he searched his face. After a moment, Craig frowned. Something about the set of his face made Tweek’s throat clenched. What happened? What was so terrible that Craig looked so concerned?

He searched his memory for anything to answer that question, but it was all white and flashes of panic...

..and the face of a dying man.

Tweek fell back and let his hands fall into his lap. The tears started then, leaving Craig’s face a blurry smudge.

“I killed him. Oh God, no. No...” Tweek’s voice caught. “I murdered someone again.”

“Again?” Craig echoed. He sighed. “So Kenny wasn’t shitting us when he said the crest on your knife was for The Tweaks. You are a vampire hunter.”

He flinched back as if he’d be slapped across the face. Picking up the blanket, Tweek wiped his eyes.

“Not anymore.”

“But you were?”

“...yes.” 

Tweek clenched his eyes shut. “Please, I, it’s complicated--or, no, but, I’m sorry.”

“Sorry for being a vampire killer?” Craig’s voice was completely flat. 

“Yes, but that was for lying to you.” Tweek opened his eyes but didn’t look at Craig. “Craig, if you want, you can drink me dry to make up for it. Kill me. Rip my heart out. Drown me in the bay. You can do what you want to me. I deserve it for all I’ve done.”

When Craig didn’t reply, he dared to peek up through his lashes at him. His countenance lacked any emotion. He stood up before taking Tweek’s chin in his between his thumb and finger and lifting it up, forcing Tweek to look into his eyes.

The pressure of Craig’s hypnotizing staring pushed against Tweek’s thoughts. Tweek pursed his lips a moment.

“You can’t hypnotize me. I can’t be hypnotized. I’m sorry, Craig. My mind is too much of a mess for it to work.”

Finally, Craig frowned. “So you knew every time?”

Tweek nodded. “I did.”

“Huh. That’s embarrassing.” 

He shrugged but didn’t let go of Tweek’s chin. Instead, he tugged his head to the side, fully exposing his neck. Heart racing, Tweek took a shaky breath but didn’t try to stop him as he lowered himself down.

“You can drink everything, if you want,” Tweek mumbled. “All of the blood and life in my body. I’d rather you kill me than my parents doing it.”

“‘Parents’?”

“I’m a disgrace to the Tweak family. I’m a failure. I can’t kill vampires, not anymore. My first solo mission, I killed my target with the knife, but,” Tweek paused a moment, “her face, Craig. Shit. Her face.

“She was scared. Not scared like a cornered animal, but like a human who knew she was going to die. Even if she also was a killer, she was still a person. I was taught my whole life vampires weren’t people. They were monsters who looked like people, wolves in sheep’s clothing. Seeing her face when she died destroyed that illusion.”

A bitter laugh escaped his throat.

“I couldn’t do it anymore. Vampires are people, and what we were doing was murder. Every training exercise where we went and attacked the first vampire we came across was murder. Every time we targeted a house with a vampire family in it was murder. But my parents didn’t believe me. They told me that what I saw was a lie. I would get over it, but I couldn’t. I had nightmares for weeks afterwards.” 

Tweek raised his hands and set them on Craig’s hips. If he was going to slowly die, he’d like to die touching someone he loved. “After that, I hitched a ride on a cart and ran away. I gave up my last name and past and vowed to make a new life for myself.”

“Where do I fit into this?” Craig asked, finally pressing his lips to Tweek’s neck, but not yet biting down.

“You were a mistake,” Tweek told him honestly. He tensed under Tweek’s hands, so Tweek went on to explain, “but you were an amazing mistake. I was going to use you as something to pull out of my back pocket if my parents caught me. I thought that they might not want me back if they knew I gave my virginity to a vampire. Looking back, that wouldn’t have worked. They would have said it ‘didn’t count’ or some bullshit.”

“So I was just an excuse for you to take your anger out against your parents?” Craig growled.

“In the beginning, yes, but, soon I ended up liking you too much. It was selfish, but I didn’t want to leave you.” He took one hand from his hip to set on the back of Craig’s head. “Now, the city hunters know who I am, and they’ll tell my parents. Who will come for me, but I’ll be killed for being a failure to them,” he tightened his grip on Craig’s hip, “but I won’t give them that.”

Craig took a breath then replied, “And if the city hunters don’t know?” This time, Tweek felt the pressure of fangs against his skin.

“I’ll still let you kill me.” Tweek tangled his fingers in Craig’s hair. “I promised myself I’d let you do what you wanted to me as revenge.”

Craig pulled back to look at Tweek’s face. He had one eyebrow raised and his expression dripped with irritation and exasperation. He snorted then laughed his series of chuckles with one final sharp ‘ha’ at the end.

“Do you think you sound cool and bold? Because you don’t.” He rolled his eyes. “You sound like you’re going to puke. Your voice was shaking the whole time. I think you forgot how to breathe during part of your spiel.”

Tweek narrowed his eyes. “I’m being serious, Craig! Don’t be a fucking asshole!” 

“I am an asshole,” Craig retorted, “and you’re being an idiot. ‘I promised myself I’d let you do what you want to me as revenge.’ That sounds unnecessarily kinky. I’m not going to kill you, Tweek. The only hunter to know what happened is Kenny, and he won’t talk. You’re not going anywhere.”

Tweek blinked a few times as Craig moved to sit beside him, careful of his forearm, and slung an arm around him.

“How are you taking this so well? You’re supposed to hate me!” Tweek exclaimed, attempting to pull away, but Craig won’t let him get far. 

“Tweek, honey, you’re in a tavern filled with blood-sucking vampires who have multiple lifetimes under their belts. On murder count, you would lose,” Craig told him bluntly while resting his cheek against his hair, “so don’t worry about it.”

“It’s not that simple!” Tweek pulled at his bangs in frustration. There was still a pin feebly attempting to hold a few strands back. Tweek took it out and tossed it to the floor.

How could Craig not get this! Tweek had spent months worrying about this conversation, rehearsing it in his head late at night or mentally preparing himself to force down his instincts to live if Craig wanted to kill him. It was not allowed to be this easy for him to let this all go!

Craig shrugged. “Is now. I like simple.”

Tweek screamed without opening his mouth. Craig gave him that look like he was a puppy again, and Tweek glared at him.

“Don’t fucking patronize me, dickhole!” Tweek crossed his arms, only to wince at the pain. He kept them crossed out of spite. Craig’s look stayed soft but with less amusement at Tweek’s expense. 

“I like simple,” Craig repeated. “You said you gave up on your past, so you’re not a vampire hunter anymore.” He pressed a kiss to a stunned Tweek’s temple. “At least now we can convince Jimmy that you can take care of yourself and stay at Moonlight. That’ll be good for you, I think.”

Tweek nearly said that that wasn’t how this worked, but he snapped his mouth shut so sharply, his teeth clicked together.

He took a deep, calming breath through his nose then let it out.

“You want me to stay?”

“Of course. You’ll have to get rid of that knife of yours, though. Kenny would take it for you.” Craig ticked off on his fingers as he spoke. “Jimmy will probably use your skills to his advantage for Moonlight while you’re working for your rent. Token, too. I’ll probably bring you with me to the docks now, too. You can spot hunter tricks for me--and I can hold your hand near the sea.”

At the last one, he smiled at him like a child who just realized it was his birthday. Turning to face him, Craig set both his hands on Tweek shoulders, eyes sparkling. A surge of excitement welled up in Tweek’s breast. He set his hands on his arms and smiled back at him crookedly.

How could Tweek have ever thought vampires weren’t people and didn’t feel the same emotions he could? As Craig leaned down to kiss him, Tweek knew for sure that this emotion of love was one they both shared.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not entirely sure if Craig and Tweek are dating in the actual AU comics or that this follows the timeline set in the most recent comic (as of this posting), but you know what? I like my vampirexhuman fluff and I had fun writing this, so I don't care. XP
> 
>  
> 
> [My writing tumblr](https://uas-fics.tumblr.com)


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